Why I’m Not a Feminist

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:30-31

Disclaimer

I am not generalizing all people who identify themselves as feminists, nor do I hate the movement and those in it. There are many people who do the movement justice. This is solely my opinion and reasoning for not joining the feminist moment and my opinion toward the matter. There are many good things that the feminist movement stands for such as, not objectifying women, closing the wage gap, not photo shopping models, and many others, but I chose to support those things without being a feminist because I also see some fundamental issues that turn me away. In this article I will be speaking and using examples from the business world. This the area I know most about and I am able to speak intelligently about the subject from this perspective.

I get asked about this a lot. As a young woman who comes off very strong and independent many assume I am a feminist. The shock on people faces when I say no is priceless. Then I get asked why, and it’s not something I can explain in a timely manner. It’s not that I think women should be oppressed, in fact quite the opposite, women are powerful human beings full of kindness and love that are capable of anything we set our minds to. For this reason I do not think the feminist movement does women justice and has become a hindrance to true success for women. I am proudly not a feminist and these are the reasons why.

Equality Comes from Earned Respect

I learned this somewhere you would never expect. It just so happened to be at the gun club where I worked. Let me explain a bit about the culture of the gun club before I continue. Shooting in general is a male dominated sport, so naturally the gun club was extremely male dominated: old, stubborn, grumpy men at that. At that time I was only 14 and I could have easily been eaten alive and walked all over. Fortunately for me I am a strong headed German and take after my dad so being walked all over was not a concern.

After a few months I learned a valuable lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Respect from men is something you earn. You can be treated like an equal if you act like an equal. On the shooting field I was the referee and what I said went. But my words only meant so much, I had to stick to my guns (pun intended) and assert myself on the call.

It wasn’t always easy and there were often times I was yelled and even cursed at because they didn’t agree with my call. In those situations by not backing down I gained respect, because I showed myself as capable and knowledgeable. That guy might have hated me when he left that day, but when he came back he knew messing with me wasn’t an option. To this day those men at the gun club are some of the best people I know, they have become my friends all because I could stand up and earn respect.

Some of you are saying, “Well that’s you, I can’t do that”. Let me tell you that you can. It is something that can be taught and learned. That doesn’t mean you have to be loud and outgoing like me it just means you have to stand up for yourself and work hard. Working hard without complaining and not letting people walk all over you is the best way to gain respect.

Feminism ≠ Equality

Many question this statement. Isn’t that the whole point? Feminism is supposed to be about equality and making women equals to men. At its core this is true however, it has turned into a movement for special treatment. The best way to describe this phenomenon is in the words of American constitutional lawyer, conservative activist, Phyllis Schlafly. “The feminist movement taught women to see themselves as victims of an oppressive patriarchy….Self-imposed victimhood is not a recipe for happiness.”

Women have created a world where they are the victims, and in some cases they are, but as I stated before women haven’t been treated like equals because they haven’t acted like equals. Women want to be treated like equals without doing anything. They want men to treat them a certain way, solely because they are women. That logic makes no rational sense.

But this is where the movement becomes twisted. Women want equal pay and to be treated better but they shame men who simply hold the door open for them. So, wait, you only want special treatment when it is convenient for you? This right here is why I could never be a feminist. I feel like it is one way or the other. Either you are independent and equal or you get treated like a lady. Many people I have encountered and observed in the feminist movement want both and that just isn’t possible.

I can’t be a feminist because I want to earn my success. One day when I am successful I want to look back and know that I am where I am because of my hard work. No one gave me a handout, special treatment or a free pass because I was a woman. This is the kind of women empowerment we need. Women need to know that they don’t need others to treat them better to get success, they can do it on their own because they are strong, intelligent, and capable.

It’s a Man’s World

The reality of our world is that it is run by men. In fact according to the New York Times list of 100 Largest Company CEOs only eight of them are women, none of which are in the top 10! Why is this the case? It is really quite simple. Men are perceived as better leaders, and by Gods design have the personalities that make them that way. That doesn’t mean women can’t be leaders, it just means it is harder.

The sad truth is that in general men in business hate working with women. No one wants to hear this but it is the cold hard truth. Often men perceive women as whiny and unable to think rationally. These are not good attributes in the business world. If you want to climb the corporate ladder you need to work as an equal. Work and think like a man. This is how you gain respect. Men respect women who work up to their level, and dismiss those that expect others to cater to the level they are at. As Steve Harvey puts it “Act like a lady think like a man”!

Most of this is purely biological. God designed men and women different, and I’m sorry ladies but in general God made women the more emotional compassionate gender. Women by design think with their heart and by feeling, rather than with rational thinking. Men on the other hand are designed to think with logic and not emotionalize decisions. This why men and women complement each other. One half thinks rationally while the other puts feelings first, it is an amazing balance. Now don’t get me wrong there are exceptions, I myself am living proof, and there are very emotional men. This is why if women want corporate success learning how to not make decisions with gut feelings and the heart is important.

Feminism ignores these facts. The truth is that feelings don’t work the best in business. Feminists want women to be equal but are unwilling to rise up to the expectations of a man’s world. The world is always going to be a man’s world if we don’t rise up to it. Women make great leaders but many don’t understand this simple concept and it is keeping them from the top.

Feminism Killed Chivalry

“Chivalry is dead”. How often have I heard this phrase? And the saddest part is it might actually be true. The scariest part is that men are not to blame. Women have turned these simple acts of kindness into men thinking of women as weak and fragile. Why don’t men hold doors open or offer their jacket to women? They fear being called sexist. Think about it you took that moment of your day to hold open the door for someone and because of your kind act you now become labeled as someone who thinks women cannot open a door. He knows you can open the door, he just wanted to be nice! On top of that what if a women holds the door open for you?

I may be a strong independent women but I want to be treated like a lady. When I’m taken out on a date I want to be treated like a princess, have him open the door, pay for the meal, these are classic chivalry actions that help make me feel special. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe a relationship should be two ways, and I would want to treat him by paying for a date or doing something romantic, but classic never goes out of style.

Look at scripture. 1 Peter 3:7 states Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. God tells men to care for women because we were God’s gift to men. You treat gifts you receive special right? Let men treat their gift special.

God Tells Me I am Second

God commanded women to be submissive to their husbands. Ephesians 5:23-24 states For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This concept is hard to swallow in today’s society, and now may have a slightly different meaning. Women were intended to always have a male over them, either their father or their husband. In today’s society we cannot take this completely literal but the basic concept remains. God made us to be the man’s helper which mean they are in charge over us.

Now ladies, this does not mean that you become a doormat, I cannot stand people who are doormats. This passage relates to a much different culture than our own and also speaks within the confines of marriage. How does this relate to feminism and how to conduct yourself? It’s simple. Just as men should respect us we must respect them and their place above us by God’s design. As I stated before men were designed to be the decision making gender, ladies respect this and you will gain respect from it.

In Conclusion

I love being a women, women are amazing people of compassion, love, and strength. Feminism is poor representation of what women can be. We can make it ourselves without handouts from others. God designed us to be compassionate and loving beings, with the capability of doing something great. I want to be someone who is respected and I want to know that I earned it from my own hard work. Remember God loves you, and if you can think it you can do it.